Merci Blog Part 2: The Guilt is Overwhelming For Everything We See
My single Cloudless Sky drops tomorrow, and it's been on my release schedule to write a blog. And as spirit works, it's not following my schedule yet again!
Instead, I'm up early this morning begging my God for mercy – which is actually the single to release next month...
I'd rather create in authenticity, so I'm going to sit down and follow this thread of what's on my spirit right now and be damned to my schedule. It will work out, it always does. Might make me hard to deal with in the real world, being obedient to spirit. But the truth is 'the real world' is not all it's cracked up to be.
I'm continually risking having a career vs. being obedient and truthful with my creative spirit. One goal is about this world, and the other about something greater. I'm compelled to choose something greater.
So the truth is, there have been these waves crashing the past few weeks so hard in the spirit realm. When they hit, it knocks me over completely.
Yesterday, Easter Day – such a wave hit me. I was unble to sleep 2 nights in a row. And deep and painful emotions are being drawn to the surface. I know this work. I've been doing this work for over 25 years consciously. Yet as Jung pointed out, 'we will do almost anything to avoid facing our own soul.'
Yesterday, thanks to my family, I had to face my own soul. No matter the family, they are always good for that.
I won't share any specifics due to respect for them. And, in reality, it's respect for whoever is reading this. Your time is valuable. There's far too much oversharing on the internet.
In short, I've been in conflict for some time. It's a brand of trauma based co-dependance where I'm willing to sacrifice myself for those I love whilst simultaneusly holding a victem mentality of resentment. It's an ugly cycle that I've been nailed to unconsciously.
Like many of us, I can stay on the surface. Run from it all. Stay busy. Self-medicate. Never face nor even see the contradiction.
But whatever these waves are has revealed a lot in their wake. I'm thankful to them because they are drawing this poison up to the light of day. I offer it, as I feel to heal yet again. To whom, to what do I offer it up? Jesus. Plain and simple.
That's the bait and switch going on. Realizing that I don't want to be the center of the story anymore. The heroine who saves herself and everyone else. I just want to play my part in the story that's been going on long before I was ever born. It’s a story of Redemption. ItsI
I've always had a heart to help others. I've always wanted to uplift those around me out of their suffering. I've never been one to stand by and allow a human, nor an animal, nor even a gutter rat to suffer. You can see that from my work and life decisions.
But time and again, my kindness has fallen short. My love has not been enough. My advice has just been wrong. And if I haven't even been able to save myself from these ugly cycles, what ridiculaous hubris to think I could save anyone else. It's all been a fantasy of my own ego. It’s the original sin of wanting to replace God, rather than co-create with him.
Worst of all, many of these people I tried to help were incredibly cruel to me time and again. They were unkind and knocked me down over and over again. Yet I was compelled to serve them like Ella in Ella enchanted. I was in some kind of spell where I couldn't stand up for myself. I didn't have the strength to break out of the cycle.
I chained myself to manipulative people under the guise of loyalty; through the fantasy of saving them. I allowed toxic relationships to steal all my time and self-esteem. Like a lost child, I set about trying to save a world I didn't even understand.
And this is why I was praying for Mercy this morning.
This is why I wrote my song Mercy because we all seem this lost.
It's time we all get on our knees and admit that we need help. There are cycles that have been enslaving us for so long; in our family bloodlines; in our societies.
Mercy! – it's time to admit it's all a bit beyond our own will to just 'pull ourselves out of this by our own bootstraps'. If we just try harder... that boat just don't float anymore.
Mercy!– Can we admit perhaps that more is going on in this world than anyone of us could understand. That we wrestle not against flesh and blood. And our broken hearts and unworthiness provide the hooks needed to keep us emprisoned.
The road to hell has indeed been paved with our good intentions, especially the Christians.
'Mercy is what we need, Mercy is what we need
The guilt is overwhelming for everything we see
A little mercy is what we need'
Encoded in my song is the humility and vulnerability needed to open up and truly ask for Mercy. It means getting out of the victem blame game which will only lead to fear. Instead, recognize that there's a bigger story here and it’s not too late to play your part.
I've always known my purpose here is to inspire others to take up this journey of healing and wholeness. But the how and why has changed so drastically over the past 50 years. I am doing the work now to uncouple this pure intention from the ways it's gotten twisted up in my own unworthiness; trying to prove why I deserve to be saved in the first place.
The truth is, I don't deserve to be saved. None of us do. That unworthiness and guilt we feel is reasonable. But that doesn't seem to matter to the One that matters most.
Your faith in this bigger story can open the floodgates of Mercy into your life. You can walk on in mercy knowing that Jesus has the power to save even the most wretched soul, yours included.
You are only responsible for yourself, correcting your own mindset. And if you really understand the task at hand, than you know you have more than your hands full.
You must allow others to make their own choices and release any responsibility to save them. You don’t have the luxury to put them first. But you can offer them mercy in your own heart and mind whilst keeping firm boundaries in place so that you don’t allow yourselve to be abused and used up.
Knowing this, I hope it leads you out of any situation where you are pouring your love and time and mercy even into someone who is just using you. Just abusing you. There seems to be so much of that these days.
As the waves crashed over me, I was reminded that the gift of Mercy must be given and received with Wisdom, Truth and Discernment. There are too many souless people who will see Mercy as a sign of weakness. They are not wise. But you must be.
That’s why I had to share this part 2 blog before releasing my Single Mercy this Thursday, 5/22/25. Links down below but be ready for this wave of Mercy.
When you listen to this powerful vibrational medicine, you must first and foremost accept this mercy for yourself.
Then with proper boundaries in place, God can use you to shower Mercy into this world.
It all has to start in your own heart where lies can not live. Where you'll hear the call, and know intuitively how you can truly contribute to His Story.
If you want to know and inherit His Kingdom then you must invite in SUCH Mercy.
Download $1.50 - https://lyndol.bandcamp.com/track/mercy
Stream: https://open.spotify.com/artist/26GaXDXGwactIq339Ha7As?si=mRwpY6OpQlGW5bftYBAySA
Video: https://youtu.be/Pv3QIF1dAzM?si=y3gdEialH0DX8Coh