Trauma Storm – a song I wrote about Hurricane Harvey hit New York

I wrote this song in 2017 after Hurricane Harvey finally made it's way up to New York City. I sat in a LES bar watching the rain, sick with guilt on how this very storm had ravaged my hometown. Back in Houston, most of my friends and family were dealing with devastating flooding and destruction of their homes. It was so strange to see falling so softly on NYC, as tame as a kitten by then.

No one in NYC cared, and I was feeling so isolated. So homesick and feeling helpless to help my loved one. It's a strange situation to be in, to be safe and sound far away from your friends and family as they struggle in the thick of a traumatic situation. I remembered feeling that way in 2008 when I was in Europe, and the economy crashed so hard here. I lost a friend during that time, and it's one of the reasons I decided I'd rather be there in my own country helping than safe far away.

But here I was again, in that same situation. And I was also triggered to anger and a whole variety of emotions. When someone's hometown is the blundt of such a blow, it hits below the belt.

It brought up lots of unhealed traumas such as not feeling safe, looking for someone to blame, feeling frustrated at habitual mistakes that lead to disasters.

I wrote this song to express all of that.

You see, cleaning up after that Storm, so many had to clean out closets, throw out junk that had been forgotten about and was now worthless. That was the perfect metaphor for facing, healing and letting go of the trauma's hidden in our family closets; our subconscious.

This song is dedicated to that important healing process. I use a minor blues progression to express the heaviness of such deep, spiritual work. Also in tribute to the musical traditions of Houston.

5 years later, I'm seeing the results of my spiritual labor. I'm here enjoying healthier relationships with my family and friends. I'm still in the process of forgiving and redeeming, (myself most of all) but I'm seeing the fruits of so much deep inner spiritual clearing. I've witnessed miracles that helped us to finally let go of deep traumas we experienced growing up. We were carrying this junk around not even realizing it. I'm seeing more clearly the ways I'm stuck in trauma responses that are no longer appropriate. My relationships are being freed from them too.

And I'm thankful to Harvey for waking me up to how much I love this city. I'm thankful to Harvey for making me realize we can't just move away and expect our past to disappear. We're eternally connected to the place we were born, where we grew up, where are ancestors lived. We have to face our traumas head on, and heal it in the light of our grown up consciousness.

But on another level, I sang my hopes that we'd rebuild a smarter, safer H-Town in the aftermath. And on this point, I'm highly disappointed. In regards to flooding and storms, they will surely come again to my swampy hometown. But 5 years later, the over development seems worse than ever. It is just not smart development that we are seeing here. In a below-sea-level city, prone to hurricanes, why would we cover everything with concrete? And with a place so hot, why is the standard practice to bulldoze down every tree on the lot? Even the trees that are 400 years old? Where is the harmony and respect for the environment here? Why is development never part of the Climate discussions?

I was in San Antonio this past weekend, and was amazed at how the old architecture, the River Walk, even the Missions; all existing in harmony with the nature of the city. Old Live Oaks and Cypress trees were left in place, and the structures built AROUND them. They use white limestone instead of concrete. The result is a city that has such a better feel. Our ancestors knew how to build in harmony with the land? Why can't we?

I know we have the capacity to be smarter and wiser in our development. But it seems we've abandoned those practices in favor of more profitable practices.

But profitable for who? And at what cost?

Surely another storm will hit here, and those devastated by it will be the working class families. So I dedicate this prayer song to them today. They are just never given a break in this current economy. I pray that they face their traumas head on, grow wiser and stronger as a family unit, and join me in envisioning a world that supports and uplifts the honest, hard working people - as well as the nature that nurtures and supports us; in all our hometowns.

In the meantime, I'll just be praying and singing the blues.

“The roots of our family tree, got flooded in toxicity”

By the way – this song was produced by Colin Hua. I recorded the vocals and e-piano summer 2020. With the past 2 years, everything just takes longer, so I'm just now releasing it.

But when you hear Colin's organ solo – you'll know why I'm happy to wait for his production on my tunes.

The video is filled with many images I've taken of Houston, which is way more of a swamp than people realize.

I'm thankful to my who brother provided some images he had kept from his Hurricane Harvey experience. I also used some spare footage from a shoot I did in upstate New York, back around the same time. Erel Pilo @Pilot_lets_go shot them for another music video of mine – Reeds.

It made symbolic sense to superimpose myself from New York over images of Houston, as that's where I was when Harvey hit 5 years ago.

And it expresses that pain of being far away from the ones you love when they are facing a crisis. The guilt can create a Trauma Storm in your own heart.