I am starring down a recital this week, and it brought back memories of being at this exact point 

of the school year so, so many times before; the dreaded recital season. 

I always found myself so divided on the issue since I truly do see it's value. (as a music teacher for my students' progress.) 

But always, truly, hated how wound-up and stressed out I would get about the whole process. 

Co-dependent compulsions dragged me around, those days leading up to recitals. I wanted it to go perfectly for each student. Provide positive, uplifting memory to inspire confidence for a lifetime.

Yet the moment of the recital, I inevitably had to just let go and trust. It's really not in my hands at that point (pun intended:) Life seems to always set me up to hone my skill in trusting because honestly I'm not great at it. 

After many years of teaching, I did get better at trusting and enjoying the process with my students. Even so, Recitals remained a torturous affair up until the moment one was over. Then I'd re-assert that it was definitely worth the blood, sweat and tears I'd spent; to see my students shine, grow and connect to each other through music. 

When I have a life review at the moment of my death, I'll probably see some of those recitals among my highlight reel.

Last year, all the recitals went online, as were the lessons. After this craziest year any of us have ever faced, on this flip side of the flip side, I'm facing yet another online recital. And for once, minimal stress! Finally it has become an easier affair. And one that I still encourage very strongly for my students. My stress level is at about a 2 though. And stress might be too harsh a word. There's time and attention involved, but no interuption to my peace of mind. Well, honestly, a little. But minimal compared to the past.

It's an example of how we struggle and struggle, and then life just kinda works out. We grow stronger, evolve from the curve ballas that come our way. Out of a horrible circumstand, I've found a way to NOT be in conflict about recitals, as well as teaching in general. 

To clarify, living through the crazy events of last year has led me to solutions I never thought of before. Clarity and direction for my life were found in the midst of the chaos. Maybe because I just let go of it all for awhile. 

As a result, I have officially resigned from the Brooklyn Conservatory. It was my dream to work there. A Dream I fulfilled with 9 years of teaching heart and soul to Brooklyn Students. And it's hard to walk away, but it's clear now it's the right choice. I am so glad I was around for the past year, to see how hard the worked to keep students and teachers going through all of that hot mess of a year. They showed extreme care for us as educators, and I know that they are doing what they think is best to serve their community.

My path leads another way now. I'll be teaching online to mainly adults, and some select younger students. I'll continue my work with Pianogroove – an online subscription site for jazz pianists or those interested in jazz approach to piano. I've been doing monthly live seminars this past year, and have begun to really enjoy the format. 

Best of all - I'll be composing!!! Something I just never had time to do before all my gigs got permanently cancelled. I've been working on my first full length movie score for Director Eric Norcross. It's a project I believe in and can pour my heart and soul in, the way I've always done with teaching music. 
Like many people, I enjoy working from home. I love reaching people all over the globe through zoom. I'm putting together a recital at the end of month that will bring Adult students together from Australia, Montana and Switzerland. SO cool. Who would have imagined?

Are there draw backs to online education? Yes, many. And I'll do a blog about that soon, after I've had a year of serious field research on the subject. But there are definitely advantages too. And it becomes a choice now for teachers and students. 

Maybe experiencing the past year is what has chilled me so much. With what we've all faced, recitals just don't seem so life and death anymore. I've faced a lot of fears this past year, and used my music to release it. To get stronger. 

I've worked with students who used their music practice for this reason, but all the while gained chops. We are now seeing the fruits of what we planted. I can see that perfectionism just isn't the obstacle it once was,for me, nor for many of my students. We just want to do music. We just want to show up and enjoy it. We just want to live with out pretense. We want to life free from fear.

As I face my final Brooklyn Conservatory Recital, I feel like a totally different person, different teacher than who walked into that Beautiful Brownstone Mansion of a school 9 years ago and thought... I've arrived! 

I'm so thankful for being part of 100 + years of music making and music education in the dear, dear building in Park Slope. 

But I now start the part of the story that comes after you realize your dreams. No one talks about that. What happens after you get exactly what you want, and life just keeps going. It doesn't end like it does in the movies...

All of what I'm living now was not expected, in both good and bad ways. 

And yet, I have all that confidence, all that experience, all that courage that I built up over the years of working towards and living my dream to be a musician in Brooklyn, spreading the good word through music and deed. 

What I feel inside today is appreciation! 

And the fearless joy of what's to come now... 

Below you’ll find a video Just the Way You Look Tonight - the last Jazz Standard Tutorial I did for Pianogroove. Also here’s more information if you are a student interested in studying with me…

For more instruction, you can message me here on my website for a free 45min online consultation...

OR you can check out Pianogroove - a wonderful Subscription site for jazz pianist of all levels... https://www.pianogroove.com